Tag Archives: sex

Tuesday:) Testimony and the Trilogy 7/11, 8/23, 12/5

12 Jul

“How well you cross a storm of life determines your testimony about it.”― Sunday Adelaja

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Most of you already know my story, but for those who do not, I’d like to share this magnificent testimony. It starts out with a story of betrayal, lies, pain, and suffering that has, with time, found some solace and redemption. A journey of healing.

This is a trilogy of events spanning over four decades,  each date in time very significant.

7/11~Today is the first significant date of my testimony. On July 11, 2013, I confronted my now ex-husband about his affair with the waitress from his country club. I discovered that the sorted affair had been going on for many months. He had been coming home drunk after golf, saying he was with his buddies. Then, he went on several weekend “fishing trips” with friends. Once, he even said he had to take some business people to look at factories in Oklahoma, when he was really at the casino with her. He actually had the nerve to call me every night to check in and say what a great time he was having “fishing,” or he’d be late because the guys wanted to have dinner. Really, who does that? Always ending the phone call with, “Love you, bye.” 

I had only suspected something “fishy” when I came home from a trip to Chicago to visit family, and found absolute proof. I won’t go into all the details, but the summary is I found his bragging emails to his buddies on his computer, phone logs, hundreds of texts, disgusting photos, and a half empty bottle of viagra. There was so much more that I can’t even mention. You get the picture. So, when he came home that day, from “drinking with the guys,” and two little blue pills were missing from the hidden bottle before he went out, (yes, I counted them) I confronted him when he staggered in the door. I was smart and recorded the conversation. He denied everything, lied right to my face, said I was crazy, and tried to talk his way out of it. Finally, he said she meant nothing. We argued. He went up to the guest room. The next day, he wanted a divorce. Obviously, a call to his girlfriend that night sealed the deal. She wanted him. She could have him!

That was 7/11/2013, a day that will live in infamy. I couldn’t believe it. This from the man who said family was the most important thing in the world. We had been together 43 years, married 38 at the time. Forgive my French, but when a little tramp waitress on the prowl for a new sugar daddy starts her maneuvering, anything can happen. She literally set him up to get caught. She got her wish. I was in such pain, no sleep, I couldn’t eat or think or breathe. All I did was cry, vomit, and cry some more. I ended up in the emergency room. There was no attempt on his part to repair the marriage or the damage. He refused counseling or even discussing reconciliation. He wanted the slutty waitress. Divorce proceedings began. It was messy, ugly, and heartbreaking, at least on my part. He moved out with a couple of things, a few boxes, and left me with 38 years of stuff and memories. It took over a year to sell the house and finalize the divorce. 7/11, was the worse day of my life.

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12/5/1970~ This was a special day, the day we met on a blind date. We were still in high school, and we immediately hit it off, fell in love and were inseparable. Fast forward, 12/5/1974, he proposed on the same day four years later. We always celebrated 12/5 every year. We called it our un-anniversary, always going out to dinner or exchanging cards. It was a very special day. But, in 2013, when that day showed up on the calendar, I cried. I was alone, miserable, and still dealing with trying to sell the house, while he was shacked up with his girlfriend, partying like a teenager, and more.

I had many friends and family members to lean on, but my greatest comfort was my church. As horrible as I felt, I knew God would not abandon me and would take care of me. When I prayed, I didn’t ask for anything special. I just said, “Thank you for your strength.” That was my mantra. It was difficult at first to watch the young families or elderly couples come into church holding hands, children smiling, reverent prayers and hymns filling the air. I often found myself crying, and wiping away tears as I sang. It was almost a year before the tears subsided and the hymns were joyous. 12/5 was still a sad day.

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8/23/1975~ This was supposed to be one of the happiest days of my life. I married my first and only love, the man that I planned to spend the rest of my life with. When I stood at the altar on that steamy August day, I swore to God and to myself that I would be the best wife ever. We knelt at the altar, we exchanged vows, and both promised to love, honor, and cherish till death do we part. Well, we all know how that turned out. Now, I am able to joke around and say the vows should have been, “Till death do us part, or until something better comes along.” 

On 8/23/2013, I went out with a bunch of girlfriends. I requested that he come over to the house and watch his dogs that I was temporarily stuck with. He finally figured out what day it was as I walked out the door. Oh, 8-23. It would have been our 38th wedding anniversary. Instead of dinner with my husband, I was having pizza, and drinking beer with my girlfriends. That lessened the pain a little, but not much. 8/23 was still a sad day.

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NOW FOR THE TESTIMONY: THE TRILOGY OF REDEMPTION

When I told some of my friends how these three dates, the only three painful memories in my life were given a new lease on life, every one of them said, “That is an amazing testimony. You need to share it.” I couldn’t help but think, what are the chances that these three days c ould become happy memories? I believe it was a God thing.

*8-23-2014~ The year between 2013 and 2014 was an agonizing blur. The house finally sold and closed on 8-20. The court date and final divorce decree was 8-21. I closed on my new house 8-22. Everything went like clockwork. I spent weeks packing, purging, and crying. Then, the best part, I moved into my brand new house on 8-23. A brand new house and a brand new start. My youngest son came to help me move. My friends came to visit with food and to offer help. Last year I had a huge anniversary party at my house. It was the anniversary of my new home and my new life. I just may have a party every year.  8/23 is a great day.


*7-11-2015~ The previous year I was busy getting unpacked and settled into my new house, meeting neighbors, trying to adjust to being alone, with all the worries and responsibilities. After the divorce was final and he handed me the papers in the driveway of the home I was forced to leave, I never heard one single word from  him,  not one. I still haven’t, three years later. How can you say you love someone for 43 years, then not say a single word to them? While we were going through the divorce, he said, “And we can get together sometimes, talk about the boys, maybe have lunch.” When we all went to the Norte Dame game together in October with the boys and friends before the divorce was final, I said, “Well, we’ll never be doing this again!” He questioned what I meant. I said that we wouldn’t be going to football games, or sitting under the Christmas tree, or having Thanksgiving dinners together. He actually said, “Why not?” Seriously, did he say that? He hasn’t spoken to me in three years.

7-11-2015 is a wonderful memory now. My son got married on 7-11-2015. When he told me the date, he said they picked it because 7-11 is a lucky number, like in Vegas when you shoot craps. Those are the lucky numbers. He had no idea that that was the worst day of my life. But guess what? Now, it’s a happy date. A day of celebration. I danced with my son at his wedding, and I cried tears of joy on his shoulder. I danced all night with friends and family. God washed away the tears of sadness and replaced them with tears of joy. 7-11 is a great day.

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12-5-2016~ This was the last painful date that was given a second chance. The trilogy completed. It was Sunday night, 12-4. I hadn’t heard from my son. He calls every Sunday without fail. I finally called him that evening. His wife answered his phone and said they were on their way to the hospital. She wasn’t feeling well, something was wrong.  The baby wasn’t  due for another two weeks. I had my plane tickets for the 14th, baby due the 18th. I tried not to panic and just asked them to keep me posted if they could. The next morning he called and said they might have to induce and take the baby early. I prayed and prayed. “Please, Lord, let everything be ok.” I didn’t realize what time it was much less what day. I called Mom and some friends and asked for prayers. I called my neighbor and asked her to pray. Trying to console me and divert my worries, she said, “I’m sure everything will be fine. If the baby is born today, her birthday will be December 5th.” She didn’t realize the significance of that day. That’s all I could think about.

A few hours later, my son called and said,”It’s a girl, I’m a dad. Mother and baby are fine.” Those were the most beautiful words I ever heard. I cried. I was a grandma. 12-5 is a great day.


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The trilogy now complete. I have three wonderful days and memories that have erased the painful ones.

This is my testimony. What are the chances that all  three of those days would turn out to be so wonderful? What are the chances that a moving day, a wedding, and a baby being born would all happen on that particular day? Not the day before or after, but that exact date.  The odds are astronomical. 

This is my testimony. Thank you GOD!

Monday:) My Momentous Manifesto

12 Jul

“You can live with the lie, but you die with the truth.”

~Toni Armenta Andrukatis

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“A lie is an affront to the soul, as well as an insult to the intelligence of the person to whom one lies.” 
― Judith McNaught

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ONE year ago today, July 11, 2015, I was dancing at my son’s wedding. The mother/son dance was Carole King’s, “Child of Mine.” https://youtu.be/0bDrB47giqs It was the perfect song. I sang in his ear and cried. I’ll always remember that dance. I toasted the happy couple and danced all night. Today is their first wedding anniversary. A day I will always remember. Happy anniversary Joe and Lindsay. 7/11, a lucky day for them.


TWO years ago today, July 11, 2014, I was having a garage sale. I had to pack up nearly 40 years of my life, prepare to leave my home that I loved and lived in for ten years. My husband was already gone, moved out, shacked up with his girlfriend. The divorce almost final, and I was a mess. He left with a handful of clothes, a desk, a bookcase, and moved into a brand new townhouse. He bought all new furniture, appliances, clothes, and threw out all his old junk, including his wife. A day I will always remember. 7/11/14. Not a luck day for me.


THREE years ago today, July 11, 2013, “A day that will live in infamy.” My husband came home drunk again. He said he was having drinks with the guys from the club. I confronted him about his affair with the slut waitress from Craig Ranch TPC. He denied it, said I was crazy, I gave him proof, we fought, he said she meant nothing. I had found all the emails, photos, hotel reservations, texts and more. She wanted my husband, my life, the big house, and a new sugar daddy. She set him up to get caught, all the sneaking around, secret sexual rendezvous, lying, and cheating. He got caught with his pants down. She got her wish. He got what he deserved. He’s stuck with the slut now. A day I will always remember.. 7/11/13. The worst day of my life.


THIS IS MY MANIFESTO, borrowed from Brendon Burchard. 



Today, July 11, 2016, I couldn’t get 7/11 out of my head all day. I went to the doctor for my 6 month check up, went for a walk, talked to some neighbors, tried to take a nap, went for another walk, and tried to get this day out of my head, but I couldn’t. I just called my son to wish him a happy anniversary. This is a new beginning for them. This is a good day for a new beginning for me. It’s been a long hard work in progress. But, they say,  if you proclaim something out loud, put it in writing, and declare it to the world, you can make it happen. I will make it happen. I’ve already started.

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 From now on, this will be a good day. This will be the day that I formally declare, “I simply choose to be happy now, to be grateful now, to be a source of love and light for others. I am whole. I am ready. This is my day.”

7/11/16 THIS IS MY DAY

Theme Song Thursday:) Every Song Tells a Story

13 Nov

Some days there won’t be a song in your heart. Sing anyway.
~Emory Austin
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When I am the happiest, I sing loud. When I am the saddest, I sing even louder. There is always a song in my heart.

~Toni Armenta Andrukaitis

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I had to laugh. The other day I received an email with a link from a dear friend who moved clear across the country a few years ago. She said her husband heard a song while driving into work one morning and had to look it up on YouTube. He said, “I heard this song and thought of Toni.” He wondered if I had heard it. I hadn’t. 

The funny part is, now I can laugh about it, even though it was so true. It asks a lot of questions, and I have a lot of answers. A couple of years ago, I was still crying. Not any more. I dodged a bullet. Every song tells a story, and this one tells my story so well. But, you know what? Nothing ever stopped me from singing. Take a listen and read the words. I answered some questions (after some of the lyrics.)

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Joey and Rory
Cheater, cheater where’d you meet her

Down at Ernie’s Bar? (No, Debbie, the waitress at Craig Ranch Country Club.)

Did she smile your way, twirl her hair and say how cute your dimples are? (No, how big your bank account is.)

Did she use that line “Your place or mine?” while you danced with her real slow? (No, let’s do it in your car in the parking lot)

Tell me cheater, cheater where’d you meet that no good, white trash ho?
Liar, liar did you buy her whiskey all night long? (Yes, so she could say, I’m so drunk.)

Did you hide your ring in the pocket of your jeans or did you just keep it on? ( No, he never wore a ring.But, he’d always call and say, “I’m stopping for a couple drinks with the guys.Love you!” )

When the deed was done and you had your fun did you think I wouldn’t know? (Yes, you thought I’d never find out, but she made sure I did.)

Tell me cheater, cheater where’d you meet that no good, white trash ho?
Now I’m not one to judge someone that I ain’t never met (No, we met many times and she even waited on me. She knew who I was.)

But to lay your hands on a married man is bout as low as a gal can get (Yes, pretty low.)

Hey I wish her well as she rots in hell and you can tell her I said so 

Cheater, cheater where’d you meet that no good, white trash ho?
Loser, loser hope you love her cuz your stuck with her now (Yes, he said he didn’t love her, they were just friends, but he’s stuck with her now, and she’s draining him dry, literally.)

Take your sorry butt, load up all your stuff, and get the hell out of my house (Yes, exactly what I said.)

But I just wish you’d tell me this one thing before you go

Cheater, cheater where’d you meet that no good, white trash ho?
Now I’m not one to judge someone that I ain’t never met

But to lay your hands on a married man is bout as low as a gal can get

Hey I wish her well as she rots in hell and you can tell her I said so (Yes, it will be pretty hot where they’re going.)

Cheater, cheater where’d you meet that no good, white trash ho?
Yeah I just wish you’d tell me this one thing before you go

Cheater, cheater where’d you meet that low down, up town, slept with every guy around, pressed on eyelash, no good, white trash ho? (Yes, she’s been with every guy around, single and married. But, he’s stuck with her now.) 

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KARMA: AH and the HO

I’m still singing!!! (And a little venting.)

   
  

Fantastic Phenominal Friday: 1,000 Posts

18 Sep

“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” ― Maya Angelou, I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings

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I truly never thought that my lofty goal of writing my blog every day for a year without missing a day would be achieved so easily.  365 consecutive days is amazing. THEN, to surpass my greatest expectations by writing every day for 1,000 days is just phenominal. I still can’t believe it. 

One thing I am sure about is, writing every day has given me a reason to get up, explore, experience, and find the beauty, bizarre, purity or pain in every  day. The challenge is to write it all down and share it. Instead of struggling to find one topic, I often have trouble editing and cutting back on multiple subjects. TMI. 

When I looked at the stats for my 999 posts, I was thrilled and honored to see how many views, followers, and comments I had.  

 
42,791 views since I started.  20,755 visitors, and  531 followers. WordPress also keeps stats of  “Best Views Ever.” I had 484 views in one day for the story I wrote about my lying, cheating, scumbag ex-husband Tony Andrukaitis (AH), and his lying, cheating, slut, tramp girlfriend Debbie Causey. (HO) If you missed it, here is the link…

Sunday: SEX, LIES, and AUDIO TAPES (A true story of betrayal and survival) Happy Anniversary! http://wp.me/p3106f-1Fk via @toniandrukaitis

  
“One part at a time, one day at a time, we can accomplish any goal we set for ourselves.” Karen Casey 

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Thank you all for being a part of my journey, and a part of my story, but most importantly, a part of my life. I love you all !!!

Sunday: SEX, LIES, and AUDIO TAPES (A true story of betrayal and survival) Happy Anniversary!

23 Aug

(If you haven’t read my posts from beginning to end before, please read this one. Please, share in my healing, my joy, and unfortunately, the most excruciating pain a person can endure. Please share on your blog, your Facebook or Twitter page, or email. 

Thank you.)****************

Mess around and cheat on a musician, they’re going to write a sad song about it. Betray, lie, and cheat on a writer, well, they’re going to write a tell-all true story about it.  (He wanted “to be seen in public.”)

Toni Armenta Andrukaitis
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Divorce’s most brutal battles are fought in the mind-not in the courtroom. If you’ve had a long-term marriage, you tend to look back on all those years and you feel that you’ve wasted your entire life. It appears at first glance that you have more years behind you than ahead of you. You think, “What a fool I’ve been to have wasted my youth on such an unworthy or, worse yet, such an untrustworthy man!”

Kari West is the author of Dare to Trust, Dare to Hope Again: Living With Losses of the Heart. She maintains a grief recovery and divorce care website atwww.gardenglories.com.

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Today, August 23, 2015, is the one year anniversary of me moving into my new house, and starting my new life. A time for celebration? Perhaps. BUT, it also would have been my fortieth wedding anniversary. That never happened. 

Tony Andrukaitis and I were married on August 23, 1975, forty years ago, and our divorce was finalized on August 20, 2014. Yes, we were Toni and Tony, Antoinette and Anthony, the high school sweethearts and happy couple that met in 1970. We were together forever. Those are all bitter-sweet, murky memories now. 
  
I found this photo on my son’s Instagram page from an old entry. 

Betrayal and pain can fog up your brain, and those beautiful memories and faded photographs are just constant reminders of …I’m not sure of what. I can’t think about it.

One thing I do know is, I’m a writer, and a darn good writer, and I’m going to tell my story. I’ve been writing and journaling as long as I can remember. It varied from a single daily entry on a calendar page, to long narratives about events, trips, or celebrations. When we moved to McKinney, Texas in the fall of 2004, I started a daily journal in a navy blue spiral notebook, and eleven years later, I’m still writing in that same notebook.

  
July 11, 2013

Zumba, got sick, called Dr., Y (Y stands for Tony) drinks with the guys Henry’s. (OUT) ( he wasn’t with the guys )

One line for one day that will live in infamy. I confronted him about his affair 7/11, when he came home drunk, yet again, stumbling to his chair, petting the excited dogs. 

I said, “You weren’t out with the guys. You were with her!” 

His reply was, “You’re crazy. What are you talking about? Where is this coming from?”

What he didn’t know was, I had uncovered everything. As he kept lying and digging a deeper hole, I recorded the entire conversation on my phone. He didn’t know that I knew the other woman was Debbie Causey, the waitress/cart girl at his country club. I had hotel confirmations, photos, disgusting emails, and phone records from many months. The sequence of events that followed were devastating. At first I was in denial, then I was numb, then I was in pain, ending up in the emergency room with chest pains after seeing my doctor for STD testing. Long and short, I survived, but the marriage didn’t. It couldn’t be repaired, nor did he make any effort to do so. 

During one tearful heated argument in the Starbuck’s parking lot, he said in a booming voice, “Just sign the damn divorce papers already.” I asked him what was his big hurry. He said, and I quote, “I can’t be seen in public!” Through my muffled sobs, I had to laugh. 

“What do you mean you can’t be seen in public? Do you think a signed piece of paper is somehow going to change what you’ve been doing all these months? You didn’t have any trouble going to bars, restaurants, and checking into hotel rooms!”

He wanted to be seen in public. Well, now he can be seen in public. He has his divorce, he’s shacked up with the waitress, but what he doesn’t have is honesty, integrity,  or the respect  of anyone who knows what he has done and what he has put his family through. He is a true narcissist. 

Here are pictures that she sent him long before I caught him cheating. Debbie Causey set him up to get caught by calling and texting him constantly, sending incriminating photos and emails. She wanted my husband, my life, the big house, the trips, expensive gifts, and she needed a new “sugar daddy” after she was thrown out of the house by her long time boyfriend. Well, she got her wish. And you know what? She can have him! She’s a user and he’s a loser. She cheated with him, she will cheat on him. That’s what cheaters do.

   
    
 
Now, you can be seen in public !!!!!!

It’s such a long story, and I’m going to take my time and finish writing it. Through all of this, I continued to journal, and wrote many long detailed letters entitled, “Open Letters” that I emailed to myself. Some were written to my sons, to Tony Andrukaitis, and to his mistress, Debbie Causey. (I just call her the HO and he is AH. You get the drift.) But, I only sent them to myself. It’s all documented, now all II have to do is edit and finish writing the story. Perhaps then I will have closure. This is plan B. All of this has been bottled up inside me like a time bomb waiting to explode for two years.

Today is my anniversary. HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO ME!

I’m going to break open a bottle of champagne and drink from one of my hand-painted champagne flutes, and celebrate my life. I have many more glasses and many more stories if you want to come join me.