Tag Archives: humor

Tuesday:) Takin’ A Trip~ Beam Me Up, Scotty

23 Oct

“All my bags are packed, I’m ready to go. I’m standing here outside your door.”

John Denver

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Some people love to travel. I don’t like to travel, especially the preparation part of travel. Once I get there, I’m fine. I was looking forward to my trip to Chicago to see my granddaughters, and visit with friends and family.

Here’s how I prepare. I send out annoying emails to friends a week ahead of time to see who is able to take me to and from the airport. I have great friends, so I always get volunteers, but I know it’s a pain in the butt. Then, I spend endless hours, spinning my wheels cleaning the house before I leave. You never know! If something happens to me, I’d be embarrassed if someone went into my dirty house.

Last night, I decided I wanted to spot clean a small area of my carpet in the family room because it is so darn dirty from foot traffic. Mostly my dirty foot. So, at 11 pm, I’m trying to read complicated directions on the handheld carpet cleaner while laundry is spinning in the dryer. I spilled water all over myself. I was leaving this the morning, so of course I hadn’t packed, and there I am spot cleaning and doing laundry at midnight.πŸ€¦β€β™€οΈ

I finally went to sleep a little after 2am, my unpacked suitcase sitting on the far end of the bed. My dear friend and designated airport driver, Karen, was picking me up around 10:30 this morning. Plenty of time to pack. Right?

Instead of packing this morning, I was wiping down kitchen counters, putting away dishes, wiping the stove and fridge, oh my, spots on the handles and side of the fridge door. Better open it up and clean. Look at those sticky shelves, better give them a wipe too. Oops, I should water that new crepe myrtle tree in the back yard. I get crazy. Does anyone else do that?

10 o’clock, I should probably pack my suitcase. I pack light. Fifteen minutes, done! I walked around the house, looked to see that everything was tidy, then sat in the piano room by the front window. I tinkered at the piano while I waited with a poor prehistoric version of, “As Time Goes By.” Karen was right on time and off we went.

Traffic was smooth, so we got to the airport in less than an hour. I walked in, went to the kiosk and printed out a boarding pass. Granted, I had a scanner boarding pass on my phone, did a back-up screen shot, printed it out, but still needed to print an official pass. You can never be too prepared. As I proceeded to Gate C33, I noticed a sign that said Chapel. Hmm? Maybe I should stop in and say a few prayers, just for extra back up.

Well, the Chapel was WAY down on the other end of the terminal, but I had over an hour to spare. About a Mike later, I finally arrived, plopped my bags down and closed my eyes. The empty and quiet Chapel was what I needed to sooth my restless spirit. Ah, yes.

The flight started boarding on time, but I was in section 9, the last to board. That’s OK, I got a cheap flight and didn’t have a lot to carry. The flight was packed, and I had a middle seat between two young 20 something people. They were quiet and both strangers slept almost the entire way there, I tried to doze, but my head kept bobbing and my mouth kept dropping open. Most embarrassing. I probably made strange noises too.

When we landed, the pilot came on the PA to request we all remain in our seat until the paramedics arrive to take care of our medical emergency, Woa! What emergency? I guess someone behind us got very sick and they had to check it out. I think the lady was OK. We all deplaned without incident.

See, if that was me being sick and having an emergency, I’d say to myself. “Aren’t you glad you cleaned the house before you left?”

My sister Jo picked me up at O’Hare 3D, and traffic wasn’t to bad, so we went out to dinner on the way home. I’ll see the grand-daughters in a couple of days. So, all is well with the world.

But, I really would like it much better if I didn’t have to go to the airport and just be teleported or beamed up to my destination. Let’s work on that, Scotty.

Tuesday:) Toni’s Tips for Today~ Jammed Garbage Disposal

18 Sep

“If at first you don’t succeed, look it up on YouTube.”

~Toni Armenta Andrukaitis

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My kitchen was a mess, the dishes were piled in the sink, and I finally talked myself into doing some housework after much procrastination. The dishes, bowls, glasses and pots and pans were all neatly stacked in the dishwasher, all that was left to do was to clean up all that sludgy residue in the sink and scoot it down the garbage disposal. I turned on the water and turned on the disposal and heard…CRUNCHHHHHH. Oops! I turned it off, stuck my hand inside and found half a mutilated plastic fork. Then, I ran the water and turned it on again. Now, it only hummed. I turned it off, and put my hand in there again, trying to wiggle the blades. A few seconds later, the humming stopped and it was totally silent. Oh no! Will I have to call a plumber?

Toni’s Tips for Today

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Tip#1- When you feel guilty about a messy house, just feel guilty and go sit down with a glass of wine and binge watch Downton Abbey or something. A clean house will just get messy again.

Tip#2- Don’t ever put your hand down into a jammed or clogged garbage disposal.

Tip#3- Say a thank you prayer to Saint Joseph, patron saint of home repair, BECAUSE you didn’t observe tip #2 and stuck your hand in the jammed garbage disposal, retrieving half a mutilated plastic fork with all your fingers still in tact.

Tip#4-If at first you don’t succeed, look it up on YouTube.

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I watched the video, looked in the garage in my toolbox for a hex wrench. I found a different tool that didn’t work, so I had to wait till the next morning to go to Lowes to buy the proper tool.

I love hardware stores. So many shiny tools and thing-a-majiggies. When I got home, I rewatched the video again, opened my new jam-buster wrench, got a broom and followed directions. I used the tool and wiggled it back and forth in that slot. The tool started to move, but it still wouldn’t work. Then, I remembered the reset button. VOILA! I un-jammed my disposal all by myself.

I Googled how much it would have cost to call a professional plumber.

How Much Does It Cost to Fix a Garbage Disposal? Most garbage disposals cost about $250 to fix, including labor. This total ranges from $70 to $400. Labor for a plumber run around $80 an hour but varies between professionals.

HomeAdvisor.com β€Ί cost β€Ί kitchens

2019 Garbage Disposal Repair Costs | Fix or Replace a Disposal …

WOW! My jam-buster tool, $7.99.

“I AM AMAZING!” Not to mention brilliant.

Montage Monday:) A Week In A Peek

23 Jul

β€œTime flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.”

― Anthony G. Oettinger

(I thought this was funny, but it took me a couple of seconds to get it.)

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Another fine week filled with good friends, good food, and lots of other stuff.

Wednesday Road Trip With Sherri

10 Jul

“Spontaneous last minute, hurry up and put your shoes on road trips with friends are the best.”

~Toni Armenta Andrukaitis

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This morning at 8:56, I got a text from Sherri Murphy saying, “Good morning. Are you up? Want to play today? Trip to Buc-ee’s and lunch somewhere?” Well, she knows me pretty well and knows I don’t get up early unless I have Zumba or church or something important. I was just starting to clean the bathroom at 1:30 am. I am a night owl, so I was still in bed at 8:56.

I texted her back that I could be ready in an hour. I just needed to wake up, get dressed, and feed and walk the dog. She’d been talking about taking me on a road trip to Buc-ee’s ever since I said, “What the heck is Buc-ee’s? So, off we went.

I was thinking a long road trip. I didn’t know where we were going and our last road trip was almost a three hour drive in the pouring rain. I was all set to pack a lunch and take emergency water, but she said it wasn’t too far, just up in Melissa. ??? We were there in ten minutes.

My first trip to a Buc-ee’s. I guess it’s a combination rest stop, truck stop, diner, gift shop, souvenir city, and massive retail store with a strange beaver in a red hat for a mascot.

when you first walk in the door, you are greeted with a friendly “welcome to Buc-ees,” so I threw open my arms and shouted, “It’s my first time.” A few strange looks, but that’s ok. I had trouble decided amongst the hundreds of t-shirts on display. I decided on this one. (Just in case anyone wonders where I live.)

Then I was mesmerized by all the colorful souvenirs, gifts, novelties, etc.

Oh, and food, sandwiches, tacos, and drinks as far as the eye could see. Fudge!! Dozens of flavors of homemade fudge. Be still my heart.

We had a great time just walking up and down the aisles, soaking in all the colors and acting silly.

I found a beautiful cross with the perfect quote for my cross collection.

After a couple of hours of Buc-ee’s sensory overload, we were ready to check out. The man behind me was showing his wife a silly shirt with Bob Ross (the artist) all over it. I commented that it was cute and asked if he was an artist. He said, as a matter of fact, he was a painter. We chatted a few seconds and he said they lived in McKinney. I told him that he should stop in at McKinney Creative Community on the second Monday of the month at the Cove. He said he actually went once, a while back. I gave him one of my card ps and said to look me up on Facebook. Of course, I had to take a selfie.

I didn’t get their names, but I got a picture. Anyone know who he is? He’s an artist. From his t-shirt, I don’t think he knew either, or he wasn’t telling, and he wants us to “GUESS?”

Fun adventure and road trip with Sherri Murphy to Buc-ee’s. Then, off to Taqueria Hernandez off the square for lunch. Yum! Gorditas and tacos.

Have a WONDERFUL WEDNESDAY my friends!

Wednesday:) Words of Wisdom From Facebook

26 Jun

“All the wisdom and wonderful quotes on life I’ve learned on Facebook… just today. Really! Ha!”

~ Toni Armenta Andrukaitis

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I am a self-confessed Facebook addict. Do they have a support group for that? Maybe I should start one on Facebook. Ha! My favorite part is keeping up with friends and relatives, and photos of new babies and old grandmas, and long lost cousins in China, (Hi Michael), and don’t even get me started on the fantastic artwork posted by my artist friends.

Then, there are those great quotes and words of wisdom. So many of them speak out to me, and I tend to answer back. Today, I decided to glean and copy a few of my favorites that I read just today. (I have a lot of deep friends.)

There were so many that I put 4 in a collage, times 4, with my own personal reply or thought that I had when I read each one. I’m sure you might have a comment or two of your own. Feel free…

That’s a lot of wisdom for just one day. Isn’t it?

The post that touched my heart the deepest was this one, and I had quite a few people comment on this. All my friends and family know that after being with the man that I loved for over 43 years, that he was able to walk away five years ago without so much as a single word, and now I am just a stranger to him. I commented that there was nothing stranger than that. Now, that’s pretty sad!

But, the other quotes above are true. I’m writing new chapters, I’m on plan Q in the alphabet, and God has provided many Angels along my path. And, now that I’ve walked through Hell, I walk like I own the place.

Happy Wednesday, my friends.

Theme Song Thursday:) “Busy Doing Nothing.”

13 Jun

β€œI am so busy doing nothing… that the idea of doing anything – which as you know, always leads to something – cuts into the nothing and then forces me to have to drop everything.”

― Jerry Seinfeld

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“I don’t need to take a spin class. I burn a lot of calories just spinning my wheels, wasting the day, and getting nowhere fast.”

~Toni Armenta Andrukaitis

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Wow! What a perfect quote for my day. Well, also pretty much all my days. I spin my wheels and get a lot of nothing done. But, in my defense, I think about all the things I should be doing and sometimes even make a list, of course, I don’t do any of those things.

I did go for a walk this morning, and I stopped and took little Bella for a walk. I was going to vacuum today, but I’ll have her again for a few days and it’s kinda silly to vacuum up dog hair when she’ll just be contributing again.

I lose track of what day it is sometimes when I’m busy doing nothing. Monday was all that cooking and baking, then I went to the dance at 1. When I got home, made more sandwiches and went to McKinney Creative Community.

I wanted to tell you about that. We had a wonderful pot luck gathering at The Cove, with many friends, and our guest speaker was Erin Neilson. She is a fabulous artist and illustrator. She described how she got started as an artist and her passion for illustration.p, and a few tips and tricks of the trade. The best part was, she shared with us how anyone with enough determination and perseverance should be able to achieve their dreams. Very inspirational.

We are truly blessed here in McKinney with such talented artists, writers, teachers, musicians and creative souls who are willing to share their gifts with the community. Thank you Erin!

Tuesday, I had dinner and too much wine with an award winning, talented, creative, and all around fun lady and author, Allison Bottke. We sat in her beautiful backyard, sipped wine, and discussed the world, love, life and the pursuit of happiness.

Yesterday, I had breakfast and visiting with the JULIETs …Just Us Ladies Into Everything Together. Then, I stopped and bought some plants and misc. stuff I didn’t need at Walmart. A quick walk, then off to church for our St. Helen’s Divorced and Separated Support Group. Again, another day without accomplishing anything productive.

Today, I did start a painting project, but it’s going to take several days to complete. It’s a surprise birthday gift for Mr. Jerry. So, now my hands are covered in Enamel paint, and I need to grab a quick shower before I run over to karaoke at Delaney’s. Helene called me and asked if I’d come early so she could buy me dinner. Well, who can pass up a free dinner?

(Sneak peak at what I’m working on. This is the before…stay tuned for the after.)

Maybe I should sing “Busy Doing Nothing” tonight at karaoke. What do you think?

Wednesday:) What’s Cookin’ Miss Toni?

13 Jun

“Recipes? I don’t need no stinkin’ recipes.”

~Toni Armenta Andrukaitis

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If you know me, you know I love to cook and bake. You may also know that I am incapable of cooking or baking for one, or two, or three. I cook massive quantiles and give most, if not all, away. I’ll just get a notion, and look in the over flowing Pantry or freezer for inspiration, then have at it.

A couple weeks ago it was pasta. Three pounds of pasta and eight containers later, I ended up giving it all away. I didn’t even save a meal of it for myself, mostly because I kept going out to lunch or dinner, and never ate at home.

This week it was egg salad. I wanted to make sandwiches for the pot luck for the senior center country dance, and some for the pot luck for McKinney Creative Community. Both were on Monday. So…eggs were on sale. When life gives you eggs on sale, you make egg salad, and lots of it.

So, it was Sunday night around 1 am, actually Monday morning, when I decided to boil the 20 eggs and start the adventure. I’m a night owl. After boiling a long time, I don’t time them, I just fool around on Facebook, check emails, and when it seems like they’ve been bubbling around a long time, I turn off the stove. By now, it was 1:30, so I drained, rinsed in cold water, then threw in a big pitcher full of ice cubes, so I could put them in the fridge and go to sleep. They cooled off fast, but a couple of the shells had started to crack. When I peeled those two, they peeled so easily, that I decided to peel all 20, then go to bed.

Monday morning, I got up around 8 am, I went to Zumba, then came home to make the egg salad before the dance.

I softened a package of cream cheese and added some Miracle Whip. The jar was almost empty, so I added some Mayo. I don’t measure. Added salt, pepper, and lots of garlic powder. I chopped about 1/4 onion. But, I don’t like raw onion, so I nuked it about 2 minutes and threw that in. I chopped up the 20 eggs and added that. It was kinda dry, so I added another scoop of mayo. Then, I made the sandwiches. Each loaf of bread made 12 sandwiches, which I quartered to look pretty and for easier eating. Also, we get up to 100 people at the dance. I made the second tray later when I got home from the dance. I just barely had time to make the sandwiches before running off to The Cove for Creative Community at 5:30.

I also baked a fruit upside down cake, but that’s another non-recipe and another story for another day. I’m making you hungry, aren’t I? Well, have a good one. πŸ™‹