Tag Archives: humor

Saturday:) Some Serious Television Marketing Going On

8 Aug

“I may be old, but please stop sending me Life Alert and cremation information all the time. I just started getting Social Security. I’m not dead yet.”

~ Toni Armenta Andrukaitis

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I was bored this afternoon, so I scrolled through all the channels on the TV and found a station playing “The Lone Ranger” episodes all day. Cool! It made me think of my childhood and all the awesome wholesome shows that were on back then.

After a couple of episodes where the masked man and his Indian companion, Tonto, save the town from the bad guys, I realized that the commercials where very strange.

There were several commercials for AARP, the Walk in Tub, Medical Guardian, Medicare, etc. Did they think only us old people would be watch The Lone Ranger? I was highly insulted. But, you know…. that Walk in Tub does look pretty intriguing. 🤦‍♀️

Have a great Saturday, and remember, “You’re only as old as you feel.” Uh oh… I’m in trouble!

Saturday Just Sittin’ Around

2 Aug

“You are sitting! Want to be there? You can’t reach there by not going there! Sitting is the enemy of your dreams!”

― Mehmet Murat ildan

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Well, I was thinking that all I did was sit around most of the day, but not really all day. I did go out this morning and pull some weeds and pull out a LOT of lovely tall green grass that had taken over my flower beds. I wish my grass would grow that thick and lush where it’s supposed to grow, and not inside the flower beds. I thought it was cool enough to work outside, but after about an hour, my sun glasses were fogged up and blurry from the dripping sweat, I figured it was time to come in and cool off.

After a little rest and several glasses of cool water, I visited with my old friend Henrietta Hoover, who I hadn’t seen in such a long time. I took Henrietta for a spin around the house.

I could tell it had been a while since last we visited because her empty canister filled up pretty fast. I think she missed me.

When I finally sat down to rest from my exhausting endeavors, I grabbed my iPad to check my emails and Facebook, only to be appalled by its sad worn torn ugly pink cover. I had a brand new cover sitting in the closet for a long time, why didn’t I use it?

I slid my iPad out of the mangey old pink cover and slipped it into the newly discovered black one, and it fit perfectly. Cool! I checked my emails and Facebook, then decided to take a picture of the old cover. Guess what? There was no hole for the camera on the back, so it couldn’t take a picture with the new cover on. Oh no! Now what?

Where there’s a will, there’s a way. I needed to come up with a plan, so I decided to poke a hole through the cover with a sharp knife. Not as easy as it sounds. After poking and slicing and snipping with knife and scissors, it still wasn’t looking right. I had an idea. I’ll heat up the handle of a fork and use it to sear or cauterize the opening for a cleaner hole, going round and round and melting the pretend artificial genuine simulated leather. Ah, worked like a charm. That is because “I Am … Amazing!”

Well, now it’s late and I’m exhausted from all my trials and tribulations and imaginations. Perhaps a glass of wine and a little TV. I can’t stay up too late, I have to get up by 10:55 am so I can watch 11 o’clock Mass in my pajamas tomorrow. “Night John Boy.”

Wednesday:) Words of Wisdom About Housework.

9 Jul

“Rule number 1- Never remove and empty the vacuum cleaner canister unless you know how to put it back. (Ask me how I know!)”

~ Toni Armenta Andrukaitis

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Phyllis Diller

Housework can’t kill you, but why take the chance?

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Well, you may remember my old friend Henrietta Hoover, my trusty vacuum cleaner. Yes, she sat patiently in the middle of the hallway for several days before I decided it was time to vacuum instead of tripping over her every day. That is my cleaning strategy. Annoyance.

Henrietta got a new belt and a good cleaning last month, so she was humming like new and picking up all kinds of hidden treasures, dust bunnies, and a lot long brown hair. (Where did that come from?) Unfortunately, she did such a good job that the dirt canister was just about full. Seeing as Wednesday was garbage day, I thought it was a good idea to empty it and take it out to the trash.

Well, I just pushed in that little grey nubby thing, turned the plastic thing-a-ma-jig, and emptied that sucker out in two minutes flat, and off to the trash I went.

Now, it was time to put the canister back together and back into Henrietta’s waiting tummy. But NOOOOO! As hard as I tried, I couldn’t get the twisty thing to turn into the right plastic slotty grovey spot. (You notice all these technical vacuum part names, right?)

Seriously, after about half an hour of twisting, turning, and cussing in two different languages, I was about to give up. Instead, I raised my right hand into the air with a fist and said, “As God is my witness, I will fix Henrietta before this day is over.”

I guess that did the trick. Maybe God didn’t like all that cussing, so He waited until I calmed down and asked for His help. And yes, we Catholics have a Patron Saint for every occasion.

St. Zita is the Patron Saint of housekeepers, maids and servants, and was well known for her patience, hard work, and spending her life attending to the poor and those imprisoned.

Next time, I’ll start out with a prayer instead of cussin’.

Montage Monday:) A Week In A Peek

23 Jun

“If you could walk a mile in my shoes you would say, ‘Wow! She is amazing and she has really big feet.’ ” (A little Monday humor.)

~Toni Armenta Andrukaitis

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You know what? Life is pretty darn good. I haven’t been able to run around like a mad crazy woman like the old BQ days, Before Quarantine, but I’m slowly learning to cope and adjust. I find myself reading more, studying, walking, meditating, and learning about myself. And, I get to FaceTime with my family. It’s a good thing. Always look for the silver lining, the rainbow after the storm, the worm down at the bottle of the tequila bottle. (More humor.)

A week in a pretty darn good peek…

Happy Monday, my friends.

Wednesday:) What’s With That Hair, Miss Toni?

18 Jun

“Oh, I just love these hot humid sultry summer days, said NO Latina ever!”

~Toni Armenta Andrukaitis

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Growing up in the 60’s and 70’s, I always hated my unruly curly hair. I call it my hysterical Hispanic hair. Especially in the 70’s when every girl wanted fine, long, and straight hair. I had long thick, couldn’t get a comb through it curly hair. So, of course, I used chemical straighteners, ironed it, hot curlers, you name it, but the first humid day… disaster. Thank God for pony tails and braids.

The winter and early spring here in North Texas has been mild and comfortable. But, the last couple of weeks have been blistering hot and humid. Not good for the Hispanic hair.

I go through many comb attachments on my hair dryer every year, just trying to get out the curls and tangles.

Because I’m too embarrassed, or just not up for the painful experience, I tend to cut my own hair, too.

When I would go to a salon, the poor shampoo girl would get carpal tunnel while I yelped as she tried to comb out the tangles,

So, when I receive all those compliments in the winter about my beautiful thick curly hair, I just say, “Thank you.” But, they have NO idea how much work it takes to smooth out that forest.

If you see me around town or on Facebook this summer, remember that my hair will be up in a bun or ponytail until next winter. It’s a Hispanic thing.

Sunday Sermon and Other Stuff

15 Jun

Everybody needs beauty as well as bread, places to play in and pray in, where nature may heal and give strength to body and soul.

John Muir

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Another exciting and busy morning, rolling out of bed, walking ten steps into the family room, and watching Mass in my pajamas. So exhausting!

Today’s Gospel on this Solemnity of the Body and Blood of Christ Sunday is from John 6:51-58.

“I am the living bread which came down from heaven; if any one eats of this bread, he will live for ever; and the bread which I shall give for the life of the world is my flesh.”

My take on it… just like bread is a simple and basic way to sustain our bodies, the consecrated bread is a simple way to nourish our souls. Christ said that consuming the blessed bread and wine was the same as His flesh and blood, allowing us to live forever, instead of temporarily. A very difficult concept to comprehend, but true faith doesn’t require absolute comprehension.

The rest of my Sunday, I was busy doing squats… DIDDLY SQUATS! A very lazy day. Bit, the day is still young. Oops! No it isn’t. It’s after 7 pm. The day is done. But, I will get out for an evening walk shortly.

Happy Sunday, my friends.

Wednesday:) Words of Wisdom and a Walk

11 Jun

“Take care of your words and the words will take care of you.”

― Amit Ray

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Seeing as I spend the majority of my waking hours looking at Facebook, checking emails, and endless hours of surfing the web, it’s obvious that most of my information comes from these avenues. I very rarely turn on the TV, and I NEVER watch the news. Maybe that’s why I’m usually in a fairly good mood. This is not all bad. Well, it ain’t all good either, but it is what it is.

But, this morning, when I asked my Google companion, “OK Google, what’s the temperature?” She replied, “The current temperature in McKinney is 68 degrees.” Well, I replied, “I love you Google.” She didn’t answer, as it wasn’t in the proper questioning format.

OK, this is crazy. I just this moment said, “OK Google, I love you.” She just replied, “Really! It feels good to be loved.” I have way too much times on my hands and spend too much time with my devices.

So, anyway, I went for a wonderful walk this morning. I even needed a light jacket. After several days in the 90’s, it felt divine.

Later on, I sat with my iPad, checking Facebook and found some interesting words of wisdom that friends, family, and others had shared.

And after a beautiful morning and afternoon, another FaceTime with my adorable granddaughter, I went out for an evening walk. Two walks in one day. Great! When I checked my step counter app on my phone, I was at 5.8 miles. Hmmm? Being an over achiever, I decided to March around the kitchen and family room until I got up to 6 miles even. Weird! I know! That’s me.

I hope you had a wonderful Wednesday, too. 🤗

Wednesday:) What’s Cookin’ Miss Toni?

28 May

“Some people are talented creative cooks and bakers. Me, I just slap stuff together and delicious concoctions are created.”

~Toni Armenta Andrukaitis

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If you know me well, you know I don’t follow recipes. I just kinda fly by the seat of my pants. Well, the other day, I had some left over brownies. ** How is that humanly possible, you ask? Left over brownies? Well, I’m still not able to take goodies over to my favorite fire stations, and I still have that inner burning desire to bake every now and then. You see the dilemma.

I also had some left over peanut butter no bake pie filling in the fridge, so I decided to combine the great flavors.

RECIPE-KINDA:

Leftover brownies (from a mix)

Leftover peanut butter pie filling: 1 cream cheese, 1cup powdered sugar, 1 container cool whip, around 1/2 cup peanut butter.

Melted chocolate chips with a tiny vegetable oil (just a few drops)

Taste better refrigerated.

Oh boy, those were good. I still had a little peanut butter filling left, so I put a scoop on top of an Oreo cookie, to make a few mini pies. Oh yes, I also melted some chocolate chips to swirl on the top for extra chocolates goodness.

I, of course, sampled a few, then dispersed the rest to friends and neighbors who were gracious enough to take them off my hands. Thank goodness for friends!

Toni’s Tasty Tostada Tuesday

20 May

“When people ask me if I like Mexican food, I always reply, “Growing up, we just called it food.”

~ Toni Armenta Andrukaitis

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Talk about a lazy Tuesday. I finally got dressed somewhere around 2, then whiled away the day. It was pretty hot out, in the 90’s, so I wasn’t planning on walking until around 7:30. I went out on the back porch around 7 pm with a tall glass of water and my phone, so I could call my sister.

After we made some small talk, she asked me if I did anything today. I said, “Why yes! I did DIDDLEY and I did some SQUATS and I combined them and did DIDDLEY SQUAT today.” Ha ha, it wouldn’t be so funny if it wasn’t so true.

I did go out for a nice evening walk, about two miles, then made some dinner. It is Taco Tuesday, but I made tacos twice last week, so today I made Tuesday tostadas, still trying to use up some left overs.

I had some leftover pot roast. No, I didn’t make a pot roast. Kathy across the street did, and she gave me a big container full. So I sautéed thinly slice pot roast and some red onion, and added about three big tablespoons of Bernard’s Gourmet Foods Tomato y Red Pepper Salsa. A little goes a long way, adds wonderful flavor and just a tiny spiciness,

Then I warmed up two flour tortillas in a dry pan until they got crispy. No need to fry. Then, added the meat mixture, top with pepper jack cheese and warmed on low with a lid so the cheese melted.

Then, I cut up some spinach, (I prefer spinach instead of iceberg lettuce-healthier) added a couple more teaspoons of salsa, a drizzle of ranch dressing, and voila. You can substitute what you like, but I use what I have on hand.

My inspiration on Tuesday always comes from my friends Chef David and Michele Bernard and their delicious salsas. (Which I always happen to have in the pantry.) When I see Chef David’s video on Facebook every Tuesday, I get very hungry and very inspired.

Saturday:) Someone Stole My Front Porch Bench

17 May

“The greatest thief is the one who returns the item better than they found it.”

~Toni Armenta Andrukaitis

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I woke up this morning to the sound of pelting rain. It rained all last night, during the night, all day, and still raining. So, I gathered up all my strength, pulled up the covers, then rolled over and went back to sleep. Rainy days make me sleepy.

My phone dinged a couple of hours later. My friend and neighbor, Allison, asked me in a text how attached I was to the old dilapidated brown bench I had on my front porch. She wondered if it was of sentimental value. The last time she was over, it sat out front all broken and disassembled from the last storm. I replied that it was a $10 garage sale find.

Then, she texted me some pictures of my broken bench, laying on a tarp in her garage. She had gotten up at dawn, drove her truck over to my house and stole my bench.

The funny part is, I have a Ring doorbell and didn’t even hear her when she pulled up. Did I mention that rainy days make me sleepy? Later, I checked my Ring doorbell camera, and there she was, stealing my bench in he rain.

She put it in the back of her truck. Then, she spent hours sanding, stripping, hammering and nailing, trying to repair my old bench. She wanted to surprise me. She’s still working on it. A lot more work than she expected.

These are the kind of wonderful friends I’ve been blessed with. When I thanked her and said she was so thoughtful and kind, she said, and I quote, “You help so many people and offer so much to the community. Someone needs to give back to you.” OK, I got misty.

Allison is not only a wonderful friend, well known author/writer, amazing Master Gardner, but she has a lot of power tools and she knows how to use them.

She later sent me some pictures and a video of her Flower Tower that she also assembled and planted and placed in her front yard on this yucky rainy day. All these projects in one day. I’m lucky that I remembered to brush my teeth. Hmm? Did I brush my teeth today?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pXBtdy_MsVo

Today, I accomplished nothing, zilch, nada. And, I’m embarrassed to say, (well, not really) I never got dressed and I’m still in my pajamas. “I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas, I’ll never know.” (Old joke.)

But, the day is still young. It’s not even 10 pm. I may go upstairs and do something creative, maybe a watercolor painting, or an acrylic project, or maybe just go brush my teeth.

Happy lazy Quarantined lazy rainy Saturday, my friend.