Tag Archives: humor

Theme Song Thursday:) Here Comes the Sun…NOT!

18 Oct

“The rumors of the sun making a brief appearance in North Texas have been greatly exaggerated.”

~ Toni Armenta Andrukaitis

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This morning I woke up at the crack of noon…just kidding, I woke up around 9, but I went to bed at 2:30 am, so I just lolligaggled around till noon. (Is that a real word? Spellcheck didn’t like it.) To quote a line from a Santana song, “Evil Ways,”…”My house is dark and pots are cold.” It’s been rainy and gloomy and cold all week, actually a few weeks. My house is dark and I guess my pots are cold. I really don’t have any pots. We went from the scorching heat of summer to instant fall.

I made a cup of hot tea and sat with my iPad, checking my emails and Facebook. One of my friends posted that the sun was out. Oh man! I looked out the window. It wasn’t too dark, there was no pelting of rain. Promising. Hope springs eternal. I posted on Facebook that I heard a rumor that the sun was out, so I was going for a walk.

Optimistically, I put on my gym shoes and grabbed my sunglasses and scurried out the door. I never did see the sun, as it was veiled in whitish grayish streaks of clouds.

Instead of being disappointed, I thought, “At least it’s not raining!” Now, that’s a glass half full or all the way full kinda attitude. As I strolled under the trying-to-come-out sun, I sang an optimistic song. The power of positive thinking, or positive singing.

“Here Comes the Sun…”

https://youtu.be/xUNqsfFUwhY

My weather alert on my phone just dinged this very second, “A brief rain shower will begin around 5:06.” It’s been dinging all week. ENOUGH ALREADY!!! I better keep singing…Here comes the sun…da da da da…here comes the sun.. Everybody sing along with the Beatles.

Soggy Saturday:) SEW WHAT!

13 Oct

“When I couldn’t draw, I took a drawing class. When I couldn’t cook, I learned from my mother. When I couldn’t sew on a button or hand stitch a hem, I just asked my mom or my sister or a friend for help. I’m SEW BAD!

~Toni Armenta Andrukaitis

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On this dreary soggy Saturday, I was thinking about what I was going to write about today. So, I did what I always do when I need to think. I went for a walk. It was only drizzling a little bit, so I put up the hood on my raincoat, grabbed my umbrella and went for a walk. I stopped by Mr. Larry’s and Ms. Sandy’s house a few blocks away, and I knew they wouldn’t be sitting in the garage, so I called on the phone. They didn’t answer, but the garage door opened up a few seconds later. They saw me. It was only about 10 am, so it was too early for a beer…darn. We sat and chatted a while about neighbors and news and old age health issues, etc. Suddenly, the rain came pelting down like crazy.

We sat there a long while, and it never did clear up. About an hour passed, with no end in sight, I pulled up my hood and opened my umbrella and said “adieu.” Actually, I don’t speak French, I just said that I needed to go. I was offered a ride home, but my sneakers were already soaked and I was pretty damp. By the time I got home, I was drenched.

The good news was, just as I approached my front door, my phone rang. My friend Sherri Murphy asked if I’d like to go with her to the Flower and Bulb Sale at Myers Park. I said sure, and when she asked how soon I could be ready, I said that I just had to peel off my sopping wet clothes, put on dry clothes and find a pair of shoes in the driest condition. Did I mention it’s been rainy a lot? All my shoes are wet.

We had fun looking at all the different flowers, shrubs, plants and bulbs. I didn’t buy anything, because if you know me…I kill everything green. I have a black thumb. I can paint a flower, I just can’t grow a flower. After the sale, we had a yummy lunch at Taqueria Hernandez on Tennessee. It’s Mexican food, but I laugh and just call it “FOOD.” I’m Mexican…little joke, there.

Now for the SEWING part of the story. I never did learn to sew when I was growing up. Both my sisters could sew up a storm and could create any beautiful outfit without blinking. Mom didn’t even use a pattern. She would just look at something, cut out some fabric, and a few minutes later, it was done. When my kids were small, Mom would come to visit for a few days, and in the closet of the guest room would be all my mending needs, hemming, buttons, tears, etc. I kept her pretty busy.

This is how I mend today…

My black slacks that I wear to church. The hem came undone, and I was running late for church. That was a year ago.

This blouse needed a couple of stitches. Well, I don’t own turquoise thread. Who has turquoise thread?

SEW WHAT!!!! That’s what God made safety pins for. I would have used glue, but it might have come out in the wash. I’m not lazy, I’m just creatively resilient and clever.

Tuesday:) Toni’s Timely Weather Tip of the Day

9 Oct

“The sun did not shine. It was too wet to play. So we sat in the house. All that cold, cold, wet day.”

― Dr. Seuss, The Cat in the Hat

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Again! More relentless rain. I drove to Zumba this morning with threatening clouds on the way, then returned home an hour later with black clouds and pelting rain. That was over seven hours ago, and there are no signs of a cease fire. Or should I say cease water?

So, here are my very timely and well tested and Toni approved tips for a rainy day…

1. If it rains all day with no end in sight… take a nap. (You can’t go out and play. Especially if you only had five hours of sleep.)

2. Before you take a nap, drink a tall glass of water so you don’t have to set your alarm in fear of sleeping all day. (Better than an alarm clock. I know.)

3. Disregard tip 2. Because you’ll have to get up to go to the bathroom three or four times and won’t be able to fall asleep. (Ask me how I know?)

4. After the second or third time having to get up to go to the bathroom, grab your favorite stuffed animal or real animal for comfort, then try to fall asleep, despite the pelting rain against the windows. (My son Matt brought this little lion back for me from South Africa when he went for the World Cup. He went with only a backpack, yet brought his momma back a special souvenir gift. I’ll always treasure it.)

5. When all else fails, just get up and have a nice cup of tea, some pecan pie with a big scoop of sea salt caramel ice cream. (I never did fall asleep. Maybe I was just hungry.)

6. Last but not least, put on your raincoat, grab your tools, and get back out into the yard and finish working on the ark. You’re gonna need it. (Don’t forget the animals, two by two. No mosquitos, scorpions or snakes, please.)

Thursday:) This Is Why Us Old People Should Wear Their Glasses

5 Oct

“I only need glasses to see fine print or anything smaller than an elephant.”

~Toni Armenta Andrukaitis

I can’t think without my glasses.”

~Vivienne Westwood

Yesterday, when I was taking the trash cans out of the garage, I noticed two very large ant hills next to the garage door, up against the bricks. Oh no! I went into the garage and grabbed the big container of ant spray from the shelf, where I always keep it. I sprayed and I sprayed, and to make sure they really were dead, I also put some of that white powder.

While I was at it, I decided to spray the entire perimeter of the house, and all the window sills to make sure the ants didn’t get carried away and decide to come inside to cool off. I sprayed and I sprayed. I was so proud of my endeavors. I went back to check on the ant hills. A few were still crawling around, so I sprayed some more.

The GOOD news is, when I checked the ant hills this morning, it looked like ALL the ants were dead. The BAD news is, when I looked by the front door when I went for a walk this morning, I looked at the big container of spray. IT WAS WEED AND GRASS KILLER!

The ants are dead, no weeds or grass are going to grow on my windowsills and doorways. BUT, I have a funny feeling that all the grass along the perimeter of my house may not be looking too good in a few days.

Nest time, I’m going to wear my glasses!

Frugal Friday, Faith, and Fixin’ to Fix My Famous Black Russian

29 Sep

“Can anything be so elegant as to have few wants, and to serve them one’s self?”

― Ralph Waldo Emerson

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It was a strange misty morning. I walked the dog, then went for a long walk by myself. It was only in the 60’s, (yay) so I wore a sweater. Later, I went to the bank and stopped at Papa Murphy’s Pizza to say hi to Miss Karri, then to Tom Thumb for a few groceries on sale. Yes, eggs were on sale for 69 cents a dozen. I go through a lot with my brownies and cupcakes. Then, they had those cute grape tomatoes for $1 a container. Well, I could go on… I only buy things on sale, unless it’s an emergency. I AM FRUGAL.

I hadn’t eaten all day, so McDonald’s was right across the parking lot. I love my McD app that has all kinds of fun coupons and discounts. Today, I ordered a crispy chicken sandwich for $1. Yes! Can you believe it? It was very good.

I could have gone to a fancy restaurant and spent $20 on a mediocre lunch, but I like to save my time and money for special occasions and to be with special friends. When I’m alone, $1 sandwich is just fine, and it’s fast, and it’s cheap… I mean frugal. Actually, there was 8cents tax. So, it was really $1.08 for lunch.

After my gourmet lunch, I decided to stop in at St. Gabriel’s for Friday Adoration and to light a candle. Today, I decided that instead of praying for a specific intention or person or concern, I was just going to spend a few minutes in church just to say, “Thank you!” I am very thankful for my many blessings. The sanctuary was empty and I was alone to light my candle and say a prayer. It was very peaceful.

Then, I walked into the back chapel where The Eucharist was on display for Adoration. There were about half a dozen people there in quiet meditation. I really admire people who take time out to give thanks, pray for others, and show respect for their faith. It’s a good thing.

I came home, walked the dog again, and another solo walk. I was in time for a beer in Mr. Larry and Miss Sandy’s garage. I told them that their house was the Beer Garden Garage. Mr. Joe from across the street was already sitting there in the extra lawn chair.

So, here I am. Fixin’ to fix my famous Friday night Black Russian.

This is how it starts, with a frozen chocolate almond ball, then some ice cream, some vodka and kahlua. It’s a scientific concoction. Not really. I just pour glugs of this and that, add some ice cream and… what’s not to like?

Happy Friday my friends.

Monday:) A.O.D. Anniversary Of Divorce

21 Aug

“Maturity is recalling the outrageous things your former spouse did to upset you, then turning over and going to sleep.”

– Eileen Dight

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When I looked at my cell phone to see what time it was this morning, I realized it was Aug,20, the 4th anniversary of my divorce, and the 5th anniversary of his moving out. Now, I pretty much did what the quote above said. I remembered how he handed me the final signed divorce documents in my driveway, got back into his car, then drove away without a word. Anyone that cold and cruel just isn’t human or worth any more tears. I remembered that vivid scene this morning, then I turned over and went back to sleep.

I’m looking forward to Thursday, Aug. 23rd, when I celebrate the anniversary of my new home and my new life with a whole bunch of my very dear friends. That will be a fun celebration and post to share. PARTY!!!!! I’ll keep you posted.

So, when I was trying to think of what to write about my divorce date today, I looked up acronyms. I didn’t see one for A.O.D, anniversary of divorce. I guess, now there is one.

But, I did find a lot of funny quotes and memes and cartoons. I’m glad I can smile and laugh about it now.

I guess a lot of people have gone through the same thing or there wouldn’t be so many poignant and funny things to share. Here ya go…

Friday:) Friends, Funny Faces and More Friendly Firemen

11 Aug

Friends are like walls, sometimes you lean on them and sometimes it’s good just knowing they’re there.

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Finally, some rain and relief from the summer heat. I was able to get a nice walk in this morning without the sun baking my skin. Ah, clouds! I love clouds. Then, I had a lunch date with my neighbor, Diane, to celebrate her birthday. We’ve been friends since I moved to my new house four years ago. We look out for each other. That’s what friends are for.

On our way to lunch, we stopped at Fire Station 9 to take some brownies and some of Miss Pat’s cookies. Miss Pat gave me a bunch of cookies to share with our local firemen. She’s such a great baker. We call her the Cookie Lady.

No, we weren’t drinking. This is an old picture. I just wanted to share a picture of sweet Miss Pat.

The guys over at Station 9 appreciated the cookies and brownies. They were just about to have lunch, so dessert was just in time.

Miss Pat’s awesome cookies. Oh, yesterday was karaoke at the VFW, and that’s when she gave me the cookies. I love my karaoke friends. We sing and dance and laugh, and the second Thursday of the month, we have a potluck dinner, so good food.

I have been blessed with so many good friends. Oh, and I’ve been blessed with a weird sense of looking at the world, too.

When I went for my evening walk, I couldn’t help but think of all the wonderful friends and people in my life. Then, I saw a possible face on one of the sprinkler covers in the grass by the pond. With a little imagination and nearby natural embellishment, I created a funny face. Another friendly face in my world.

THE END….