Tag Archives: betrayal

Tuesday:) Testimony and the Trilogy 7/11, 8/23, 12/5

12 Jul

“How well you cross a storm of life determines your testimony about it.”― Sunday Adelaja

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Most of you already know my story, but for those who do not, I’d like to share this magnificent testimony. It starts out with a story of betrayal, lies, pain, and suffering that has, with time, found some solace and redemption. A journey of healing.

This is a trilogy of events spanning over four decades,  each date in time very significant.

7/11~Today is the first significant date of my testimony. On July 11, 2013, I confronted my now ex-husband about his affair with the waitress from his country club. I discovered that the sorted affair had been going on for many months. He had been coming home drunk after golf, saying he was with his buddies. Then, he went on several weekend “fishing trips” with friends. Once, he even said he had to take some business people to look at factories in Oklahoma, when he was really at the casino with her. He actually had the nerve to call me every night to check in and say what a great time he was having “fishing,” or he’d be late because the guys wanted to have dinner. Really, who does that? Always ending the phone call with, “Love you, bye.” 

I had only suspected something “fishy” when I came home from a trip to Chicago to visit family, and found absolute proof. I won’t go into all the details, but the summary is I found his bragging emails to his buddies on his computer, phone logs, hundreds of texts, disgusting photos, and a half empty bottle of viagra. There was so much more that I can’t even mention. You get the picture. So, when he came home that day, from “drinking with the guys,” and two little blue pills were missing from the hidden bottle before he went out, (yes, I counted them) I confronted him when he staggered in the door. I was smart and recorded the conversation. He denied everything, lied right to my face, said I was crazy, and tried to talk his way out of it. Finally, he said she meant nothing. We argued. He went up to the guest room. The next day, he wanted a divorce. Obviously, a call to his girlfriend that night sealed the deal. She wanted him. She could have him!

That was 7/11/2013, a day that will live in infamy. I couldn’t believe it. This from the man who said family was the most important thing in the world. We had been together 43 years, married 38 at the time. Forgive my French, but when a little tramp waitress on the prowl for a new sugar daddy starts her maneuvering, anything can happen. She literally set him up to get caught. She got her wish. I was in such pain, no sleep, I couldn’t eat or think or breathe. All I did was cry, vomit, and cry some more. I ended up in the emergency room. There was no attempt on his part to repair the marriage or the damage. He refused counseling or even discussing reconciliation. He wanted the slutty waitress. Divorce proceedings began. It was messy, ugly, and heartbreaking, at least on my part. He moved out with a couple of things, a few boxes, and left me with 38 years of stuff and memories. It took over a year to sell the house and finalize the divorce. 7/11, was the worse day of my life.

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12/5/1970~ This was a special day, the day we met on a blind date. We were still in high school, and we immediately hit it off, fell in love and were inseparable. Fast forward, 12/5/1974, he proposed on the same day four years later. We always celebrated 12/5 every year. We called it our un-anniversary, always going out to dinner or exchanging cards. It was a very special day. But, in 2013, when that day showed up on the calendar, I cried. I was alone, miserable, and still dealing with trying to sell the house, while he was shacked up with his girlfriend, partying like a teenager, and more.

I had many friends and family members to lean on, but my greatest comfort was my church. As horrible as I felt, I knew God would not abandon me and would take care of me. When I prayed, I didn’t ask for anything special. I just said, “Thank you for your strength.” That was my mantra. It was difficult at first to watch the young families or elderly couples come into church holding hands, children smiling, reverent prayers and hymns filling the air. I often found myself crying, and wiping away tears as I sang. It was almost a year before the tears subsided and the hymns were joyous. 12/5 was still a sad day.

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8/23/1975~ This was supposed to be one of the happiest days of my life. I married my first and only love, the man that I planned to spend the rest of my life with. When I stood at the altar on that steamy August day, I swore to God and to myself that I would be the best wife ever. We knelt at the altar, we exchanged vows, and both promised to love, honor, and cherish till death do we part. Well, we all know how that turned out. Now, I am able to joke around and say the vows should have been, “Till death do us part, or until something better comes along.” 

On 8/23/2013, I went out with a bunch of girlfriends. I requested that he come over to the house and watch his dogs that I was temporarily stuck with. He finally figured out what day it was as I walked out the door. Oh, 8-23. It would have been our 38th wedding anniversary. Instead of dinner with my husband, I was having pizza, and drinking beer with my girlfriends. That lessened the pain a little, but not much. 8/23 was still a sad day.

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NOW FOR THE TESTIMONY: THE TRILOGY OF REDEMPTION

When I told some of my friends how these three dates, the only three painful memories in my life were given a new lease on life, every one of them said, “That is an amazing testimony. You need to share it.” I couldn’t help but think, what are the chances that these three days c ould become happy memories? I believe it was a God thing.

*8-23-2014~ The year between 2013 and 2014 was an agonizing blur. The house finally sold and closed on 8-20. The court date and final divorce decree was 8-21. I closed on my new house 8-22. Everything went like clockwork. I spent weeks packing, purging, and crying. Then, the best part, I moved into my brand new house on 8-23. A brand new house and a brand new start. My youngest son came to help me move. My friends came to visit with food and to offer help. Last year I had a huge anniversary party at my house. It was the anniversary of my new home and my new life. I just may have a party every year.  8/23 is a great day.


*7-11-2015~ The previous year I was busy getting unpacked and settled into my new house, meeting neighbors, trying to adjust to being alone, with all the worries and responsibilities. After the divorce was final and he handed me the papers in the driveway of the home I was forced to leave, I never heard one single word from  him,  not one. I still haven’t, three years later. How can you say you love someone for 43 years, then not say a single word to them? While we were going through the divorce, he said, “And we can get together sometimes, talk about the boys, maybe have lunch.” When we all went to the Norte Dame game together in October with the boys and friends before the divorce was final, I said, “Well, we’ll never be doing this again!” He questioned what I meant. I said that we wouldn’t be going to football games, or sitting under the Christmas tree, or having Thanksgiving dinners together. He actually said, “Why not?” Seriously, did he say that? He hasn’t spoken to me in three years.

7-11-2015 is a wonderful memory now. My son got married on 7-11-2015. When he told me the date, he said they picked it because 7-11 is a lucky number, like in Vegas when you shoot craps. Those are the lucky numbers. He had no idea that that was the worst day of my life. But guess what? Now, it’s a happy date. A day of celebration. I danced with my son at his wedding, and I cried tears of joy on his shoulder. I danced all night with friends and family. God washed away the tears of sadness and replaced them with tears of joy. 7-11 is a great day.

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12-5-2016~ This was the last painful date that was given a second chance. The trilogy completed. It was Sunday night, 12-4. I hadn’t heard from my son. He calls every Sunday without fail. I finally called him that evening. His wife answered his phone and said they were on their way to the hospital. She wasn’t feeling well, something was wrong.  The baby wasn’t  due for another two weeks. I had my plane tickets for the 14th, baby due the 18th. I tried not to panic and just asked them to keep me posted if they could. The next morning he called and said they might have to induce and take the baby early. I prayed and prayed. “Please, Lord, let everything be ok.” I didn’t realize what time it was much less what day. I called Mom and some friends and asked for prayers. I called my neighbor and asked her to pray. Trying to console me and divert my worries, she said, “I’m sure everything will be fine. If the baby is born today, her birthday will be December 5th.” She didn’t realize the significance of that day. That’s all I could think about.

A few hours later, my son called and said,”It’s a girl, I’m a dad. Mother and baby are fine.” Those were the most beautiful words I ever heard. I cried. I was a grandma. 12-5 is a great day.


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The trilogy now complete. I have three wonderful days and memories that have erased the painful ones.

This is my testimony. What are the chances that all  three of those days would turn out to be so wonderful? What are the chances that a moving day, a wedding, and a baby being born would all happen on that particular day? Not the day before or after, but that exact date.  The odds are astronomical. 

This is my testimony. Thank you GOD!

Sunday Sermon and Other Stuff

10 Apr

“The future is certain. It is just not known.” ― Johnny Rich

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It was a lazy Sunday morning. Poor Mom really wasn’t sure if she wanted to go down for Mass at 10:30. She’s still recovering from a recent fall, and hasn’t been down in six weeks or so. Volunteers from St. Thomas More Parish come every Sunday to officiate the service in the community room. Mom was concerned that her back might start hurting and she wouldn’t want to walk out. I gave her a Tylenol, and said, “It’s Palm Sunday. We can’t miss Palm Sunday.” 

Here’s Mom saying, “No, not another selfie!!!”


We went downstairs and when Mom entered the room, about twenty-five people applauded and welcomed her back.

Mom was glad to be back in her old routine. She always does the Second Reading, and today was no different.

The Gospel today was a long story about Jesus being betrayed by Judas, denied by Peter and turned on by his followers. He was sentenced to crucifixion even when the crowd had the choice of releasing Him or the criminal Barabbas. They chose to release the criminal. Jesus, “suffered, died and was buried.” The story continues…

My take on the Gospel…this story is filled with betrayal, lying, suicide, anguish, suffering, and death. Jesus knew this was his destiny and He chose to die for us and our salvation. After so much pain and suffering, He did not go back on His word or promise to His Father.

If we could all be just the tiniest bit as sincere, honest, and brave as this. It’s difficult to keep going after betrayal and cruelty and lying and evil. If faith can help you through your trials, reach into your heart. If friends and family can help you through your pain, reach for their hand. Some things cannot be changed, it’s how YOU choose to live and accept your lot in life is what determines your future. CHOOSE WISELY.



Happy Sunday, my friend.

Monday:) My Momentous Manifesto

12 Jul

“You can live with the lie, but you die with the truth.”

~Toni Armenta Andrukatis

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“A lie is an affront to the soul, as well as an insult to the intelligence of the person to whom one lies.” 
― Judith McNaught

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ONE year ago today, July 11, 2015, I was dancing at my son’s wedding. The mother/son dance was Carole King’s, “Child of Mine.” https://youtu.be/0bDrB47giqs It was the perfect song. I sang in his ear and cried. I’ll always remember that dance. I toasted the happy couple and danced all night. Today is their first wedding anniversary. A day I will always remember. Happy anniversary Joe and Lindsay. 7/11, a lucky day for them.


TWO years ago today, July 11, 2014, I was having a garage sale. I had to pack up nearly 40 years of my life, prepare to leave my home that I loved and lived in for ten years. My husband was already gone, moved out, shacked up with his girlfriend. The divorce almost final, and I was a mess. He left with a handful of clothes, a desk, a bookcase, and moved into a brand new townhouse. He bought all new furniture, appliances, clothes, and threw out all his old junk, including his wife. A day I will always remember. 7/11/14. Not a luck day for me.


THREE years ago today, July 11, 2013, “A day that will live in infamy.” My husband came home drunk again. He said he was having drinks with the guys from the club. I confronted him about his affair with the slut waitress from Craig Ranch TPC. He denied it, said I was crazy, I gave him proof, we fought, he said she meant nothing. I had found all the emails, photos, hotel reservations, texts and more. She wanted my husband, my life, the big house, and a new sugar daddy. She set him up to get caught, all the sneaking around, secret sexual rendezvous, lying, and cheating. He got caught with his pants down. She got her wish. He got what he deserved. He’s stuck with the slut now. A day I will always remember.. 7/11/13. The worst day of my life.


THIS IS MY MANIFESTO, borrowed from Brendon Burchard. 



Today, July 11, 2016, I couldn’t get 7/11 out of my head all day. I went to the doctor for my 6 month check up, went for a walk, talked to some neighbors, tried to take a nap, went for another walk, and tried to get this day out of my head, but I couldn’t. I just called my son to wish him a happy anniversary. This is a new beginning for them. This is a good day for a new beginning for me. It’s been a long hard work in progress. But, they say,  if you proclaim something out loud, put it in writing, and declare it to the world, you can make it happen. I will make it happen. I’ve already started.

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 From now on, this will be a good day. This will be the day that I formally declare, “I simply choose to be happy now, to be grateful now, to be a source of love and light for others. I am whole. I am ready. This is my day.”

7/11/16 THIS IS MY DAY

Tuesday:) Today Is The Ides of March~ Beware

16 Mar

“To me, the thing that is worse than death is betrayal. You see, I could conceive death, but I could not conceive betrayal.” 

― Malcolm X

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March 15th is the Ides of March. If you remember your Shakespeare and Julius Caesar , it wasn’t exactly a good day for old Julius. If you’ve ever been betrayed, blind-sided, or stabbed in the back, you can relate. I can definitely relate. Cheers to all who have survived the Ides of March.

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 Caesar. Who is it in the press that calls on me? 100I hear a tongue, shriller than all the music, 
Cry ‘Caesar!’ Speak; Caesar is turn’d to hear.

Soothsayer. Beware the ides of March.

Caesar. What man is that?

Brutus. A soothsayer bids you beware the ides of March. 105

Caesar. Set him before me; let me see his face.

Cassius. Fellow, come from the throng; look upon Caesar.

Caesar. What say’st thou to me now? speak once again.

Soothsayer. Beware the ides of March.

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The importance of the ides of March for Caesar is that it is the day he will be assassinated by a group of conspirators, including Brutus and Cassius. Despite numerous and improbable portents—the soothsayer’s warning, some fearsome thundering, his wife’s dreams of his murder, and so on—Caesar ventures forth on the ides to meet his doom.

Theme Song Thursday:) Fresh Start… New Year

1 Jan

Every new year begins with a new start, and a new calendar page wih the number “1 ” on it. YOU are the only “1” who can make it a good “1.”

~Toni Armenta Andrukaitis

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I always find New Year’s Eve to be a day of reflection and a day of optimism all rolled into one.  So many  resolutions  that will be long forgotten by March. My resolution this year is to absolutely make NO resolutions. I plan to continue what I’ve been doing all my life, and that is being the best ME that I can be. I think I’ve done a pretty good job so far,

While I was taking my long morning walk, I reflected on the past few years. They haven’t been so great, to say the least. But this will be a great year. “Something’s Coming.” Like the song from Westside Story says, “I don’t know what it is, but it is…gonna be great.”

2013~ A year of BETRAYAL. After 43 years of loving one man, I was blindsided, betrayed,     and thrown aside like a piece of garbage. I lost my marriage, lost my smile, lost a lot of weight, and ended up in the emergency room, almost losing my life. But, I never lost my faith nor the love of friends and family. 

2014~ A year of UPHEAVAL. I spent the year forced to sell and leave my home, pack up 39 years of memories, find a new home, and survive a gut-wrenching divorce. My life was turned upside down. In my 60’s, I had to start a new life. But, I never lost my faith nor the love of friends and family.

2015~ A year of TRANSITION. Established and comfortable in my new home for a whole year, I made new friends, enjoyed my old friends, and started to work on my new life. My son got married to an adorable girl in July, I spent time with old friends back home, and finally started feeling a little less lost and alone. I was dancing in the kitchen again. And I never lost my faith nor the love of friends and family.

2016~ A year or RENEWAL. This will be a wonderful year! I know it will! My year of Renewal! A new calendar page. “Something’s Coming.”

 http://youtu.be/01rNeeqqRIE

  

  
Happy New Year to all my friends and family. YOU put the HAPPY in Happy New Year! Love you ALL!

  

Sentimental Saturday:) Smiling, Crying, Singing, Dying

6 Dec

“The worst part of holding the memories is not the pain. It’s the loneliness of it. Memories need to be shared.” ― Lois Lowry, The Giver

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December 5, 1970, forty five years ago, was one of the best days of my life, now it’s an excruciatingly painful memory. It’s funny how certain dates, songs, places, and photos can stir up indescribable emotions. Actually, it isn’t funny at all! But, like the quote said, “Memories need to be shared.”

  
December 5, I went on a blind date with a sixteen year old boy named Tony. We fell in love and were inseparable. My first love, and I thought my till death do us part love. He proposed on December 5, 1974 and  we were married in 1975 and celebrated our “un-anniversary” every December 5th for forty-two years. We worked hard, raised two wonderful sons, and had a great life. So, at least I thought so. 

Fast forward forty-five years later…The abridged version…we got divorced last year and he’s shacked up with the slut waitress from his country club. He lied, cheated, and betrayed the woman who loved him unconditionally. I was blind-sided, broken for a long time, and still trying to pick up the pieces. So, needless to say, this day brings up sad painful memories. There was some serious crying today. 

NOW, for the smiling part. I wiped away the tears and was determined to have a wonderful day. I started out early this morning and went over to the Toys for Tots Motorcycle Run to visit with my friends David and Karen Marks who help coordinate and organize this annual event. Hundreds of bikers bring toys and donations for the annual Marine sponsored event. 

  
Karen Marks always has a big smile and hug for me. She has sons in the Marines, so this is a labor of love and dear to her heart.

  
David Marks, on the right, was instrumental in starting this 43 mile motorcycle run and charity event

  
The young Marines were happy to pose for pictures with visitors. It was a beautiful, crisp sunny day.

   
Mr. And Mrs. Santa also support the Marines.(I believe Santa was a Marine.)

    
   
After this, I hopped into my car, cranked up the radio, and sang my way down HWY 75 to my writing group over in Allen. I love this group of ladies. Liz, Julia, and Aelle are fabulous writers and wonderful friends. We spent more time laughing and chatting then we did critiquing work. 

Back into my car, more singing to the radio,  and off to Tupps Brwery for the holiday art show and brewery tour.( I don’t drink and drive, so I didn’t  do the tour/drinking part.) I ran into dozens of friends and most of the vendors were close artist friends. I’ll share those photos another day.TMI for now.

I had a late lunch on the square with my friend Terree at the Celt Pub, walked around, visited at Sweet Spot Bakery and  then chatted with Sue over at the visitors center. I got home around 4:30 and went for a long walk. 

I try to keep busy and fill my days with friends, smiles and songs. This helps fight back the tears, fears, and sad memories. I wasn’t even going to mention the painful memories of today’s date, but it’s all part of my day…the good, the bad, and the ugly. 

But, you know what? Each day gets a little better, with more laughing than crying. 

   
 

Caramel hot chocolate whipped cream mustache and a smile. Cheers!

Wednesday Words of Wisdom: And the Truth Shall Make You Free

2 Oct

John 8:32

And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.

– King James Bible “Authorized Version”, Cambridge Edition
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Internal struggles are the worst. I feel like I have this tiny good angel on my left shoulder and a huge evil devil on my right shoulder. They both whisper in my ears simultaneously, non-stop, getting louder and louder, until I can’t distinguish one from the other. (To be continued. Are you intrigued?)

A couple of days ago while I was walking, I waved and said hi to a neighbor standing outside in her driveway. Instead of just waving and walking away, I trotted across the street and went over and introduced myself. Her name is Diane, and she said that she’d seen me out walking and that she walks around 7:15 most mornings. We chatted a while, and I said I’d drop off my card with my phone number next time I was passing by. Maybe I could join her for a walk sometime.

Well, I didn’t have Zumba today, but I didn’t get out for my walk until 7:45. I walked my usual route by the path of rose bushes and around the pond with the quacking ducks, and past the horses across the road having their breakfast. Of course, while I’m walking, I have the good angel/bad devil dialogue going on in my head.

Yesterday, when I wrote about Tuesday tips for finding beauty in humble places, it started out…Tell it Like it is Tuesday…(Bad devil.) until I found the pamphlet with Jesus bearing his cross. Today, after walking about half an hour, I found a beautiful large black lucky feather on my path. I had been struggling with the tormenting need to expose the lying, cheating and betrayal that has plagued my heart for the past year and a half. The bad devil on my shoulder is angry and wants revenge.. The sweet angel on the other side leaves me a feather and tells me to be patient. Then, to distract my distress even more, my new friend Diane walked by and asked if I wanted to walk a while longer.

The thing is, angel or devil, bad or good, right or wrong, distraction or not, I know I won’t rest or find peace until the story is told. I’m a writer. I need to tell my story. That’s what I do. THE QUILL IS IN MY HAND!

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What do you think? What would you do? You wouldn’t believe what goes on at the country club! Or would you? I see a made for TV movie.

P.S. I also found 2 construction nails, saving the world from flat tires this morning.

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