Archive | August, 2015

Montage Monday: More Marvelous Sunsets and My Poem 

24 Aug

“Never waste any amount of time doing anything important when there is a sunset outside that you should be sitting under!” ― C. JoyBell C.

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Instead my usual week in a peek, I wanted to continue the celebration of my  1 year anniversary of my new home and my new life. The amazing sunsets that I see every evening are just breathtaking. 

I’ve shared this poem before , but it’s one of my favorites. 

  
COME CHASE THE SUNSET                    

 

 

                    Come chase the sunset, come chase it with me

                    Fiery reds of the sky, tranquil blues of the sea.

                    Sizzles of summer, the softness of spring

                    With autumn upon us, winter’s chill on the wing.

                    Time is but fleeting, there’s only one chance

                    Shall we sit by the fire or get up and dance?

                    The journey is long, with burdens to bear

                    I never noticed, you carry more than your share.

                    Together let’s run and never look back

                    The clouds may be looming when the sky fades to black.

                    Just take my hand as the road rounds the bend

                    Run as fast as you can ‘til we get to the end.

                    Let’s race to the finish and shout out with glee

                   Come chase the sunset, come chase it with me.

                   

                   Toni Armenta Andrukaitis

  

 
  
Cheers!!!

Sunday: SEX, LIES, and AUDIO TAPES (A true story of betrayal and survival) Happy Anniversary!

23 Aug

(If you haven’t read my posts from beginning to end before, please read this one. Please, share in my healing, my joy, and unfortunately, the most excruciating pain a person can endure. Please share on your blog, your Facebook or Twitter page, or email. 

Thank you.)****************

Mess around and cheat on a musician, they’re going to write a sad song about it. Betray, lie, and cheat on a writer, well, they’re going to write a tell-all true story about it.  (He wanted “to be seen in public.”)

Toni Armenta Andrukaitis
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Divorce’s most brutal battles are fought in the mind-not in the courtroom. If you’ve had a long-term marriage, you tend to look back on all those years and you feel that you’ve wasted your entire life. It appears at first glance that you have more years behind you than ahead of you. You think, “What a fool I’ve been to have wasted my youth on such an unworthy or, worse yet, such an untrustworthy man!”

Kari West is the author of Dare to Trust, Dare to Hope Again: Living With Losses of the Heart. She maintains a grief recovery and divorce care website atwww.gardenglories.com.

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Today, August 23, 2015, is the one year anniversary of me moving into my new house, and starting my new life. A time for celebration? Perhaps. BUT, it also would have been my fortieth wedding anniversary. That never happened. 

Tony Andrukaitis and I were married on August 23, 1975, forty years ago, and our divorce was finalized on August 20, 2014. Yes, we were Toni and Tony, Antoinette and Anthony, the high school sweethearts and happy couple that met in 1970. We were together forever. Those are all bitter-sweet, murky memories now. 
  
I found this photo on my son’s Instagram page from an old entry. 

Betrayal and pain can fog up your brain, and those beautiful memories and faded photographs are just constant reminders of …I’m not sure of what. I can’t think about it.

One thing I do know is, I’m a writer, and a darn good writer, and I’m going to tell my story. I’ve been writing and journaling as long as I can remember. It varied from a single daily entry on a calendar page, to long narratives about events, trips, or celebrations. When we moved to McKinney, Texas in the fall of 2004, I started a daily journal in a navy blue spiral notebook, and eleven years later, I’m still writing in that same notebook.

  
July 11, 2013

Zumba, got sick, called Dr., Y (Y stands for Tony) drinks with the guys Henry’s. (OUT) ( he wasn’t with the guys )

One line for one day that will live in infamy. I confronted him about his affair 7/11, when he came home drunk, yet again, stumbling to his chair, petting the excited dogs. 

I said, “You weren’t out with the guys. You were with her!” 

His reply was, “You’re crazy. What are you talking about? Where is this coming from?”

What he didn’t know was, I had uncovered everything. As he kept lying and digging a deeper hole, I recorded the entire conversation on my phone. He didn’t know that I knew the other woman was Debbie Causey, the waitress/cart girl at his country club. I had hotel confirmations, photos, disgusting emails, and phone records from many months. The sequence of events that followed were devastating. At first I was in denial, then I was numb, then I was in pain, ending up in the emergency room with chest pains after seeing my doctor for STD testing. Long and short, I survived, but the marriage didn’t. It couldn’t be repaired, nor did he make any effort to do so. 

During one tearful heated argument in the Starbuck’s parking lot, he said in a booming voice, “Just sign the damn divorce papers already.” I asked him what was his big hurry. He said, and I quote, “I can’t be seen in public!” Through my muffled sobs, I had to laugh. 

“What do you mean you can’t be seen in public? Do you think a signed piece of paper is somehow going to change what you’ve been doing all these months? You didn’t have any trouble going to bars, restaurants, and checking into hotel rooms!”

He wanted to be seen in public. Well, now he can be seen in public. He has his divorce, he’s shacked up with the waitress, but what he doesn’t have is honesty, integrity,  or the respect  of anyone who knows what he has done and what he has put his family through. He is a true narcissist. 

Here are pictures that she sent him long before I caught him cheating. Debbie Causey set him up to get caught by calling and texting him constantly, sending incriminating photos and emails. She wanted my husband, my life, the big house, the trips, expensive gifts, and she needed a new “sugar daddy” after she was thrown out of the house by her long time boyfriend. Well, she got her wish. And you know what? She can have him! She’s a user and he’s a loser. She cheated with him, she will cheat on him. That’s what cheaters do.

   
    
 
Now, you can be seen in public !!!!!!

It’s such a long story, and I’m going to take my time and finish writing it. Through all of this, I continued to journal, and wrote many long detailed letters entitled, “Open Letters” that I emailed to myself. Some were written to my sons, to Tony Andrukaitis, and to his mistress, Debbie Causey. (I just call her the HO and he is AH. You get the drift.) But, I only sent them to myself. It’s all documented, now all II have to do is edit and finish writing the story. Perhaps then I will have closure. This is plan B. All of this has been bottled up inside me like a time bomb waiting to explode for two years.

Today is my anniversary. HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO ME!

I’m going to break open a bottle of champagne and drink from one of my hand-painted champagne flutes, and celebrate my life. I have many more glasses and many more stories if you want to come join me. 

  

Saturday: Sittin’, Thinkin’, and Drinkin’ (Stay Tuned )

23 Aug

All you have to do is write one true sentence. Write the truest sentence that you know.Ernest Hemingway

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Prelude to tomorrow, all revealed and released. The bottled up betrayal, pain, and lies. Tomorrow I share the first page  of the first chapter of a new life. (Stay tuned )

“Tjen you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

John 8:32

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On a brighter note, my day started with an hour walk/run. I found a beautiful feather by the pond.  

 
Then , off to Zumba at. 9;30. A fun great workout of Latin dancing mixed with Bollywood and country line dancing. I stopped at the bank afterwards, and found a lucky penny in the parking lot. 

  
A lazy Saturday with no place to go, no one to see , so I plopped in front of the TV with my iPad, and to my delight, it was Star Trek Marathon Saturday. ( it was The Next Generation…next best thing to the original ) 

  
Now, Doctor Who Marathon. Maybe time for a drink. Let’s see? Hmm, a black Russian or a cup of tea?

  
 

I think you know which one I chose. 

Hope you’re having a great weekend. Cheers!

Friday: Friends That Color Together…(nothing rhymes with color)

22 Aug

We could learn a lot from crayons; some are sharp, some are pretty, some are dull, while others bright, some have weird names, but they all have learned to live together in the same box.
~Robert Fulghum
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Last night I went to a fun coloring book party at Sherri’s house. She invited maybe twenty ladies or so for an evening of snacking, sipping, chatting and coloring. Our friend Pam Robinson-Thompson is the artist and creator of the book ” 50 Shades of Fun; The New Joy of Coloring.  

 
Oh, but before I went to the party, I had make my funny face brownies. I chopped up Mars bars, Mikky Ways and threw in a handful of chocolate chip, and sprinkled on top of the batter before baking. Yum!

  
These faces get goofier all the time. 

Sherri is such a gracious hostess and has the most beautiful house. Every corner, wall, and shelf is adorned and decorated with charm. Is’nt she cute!

   
   
Here’s what I colored.  

 
The coloring is very meds tatie and relaxing, especially when you are surrounded with old friends or meeting new ones.  

   

Theme Song Thursday

21 Aug

Be like a duck, paddling and working very hard inside the water, but what everyone sees is a smiling and calm face.

Manoj Arora, From the Rat Race to Financial Freedom

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Just to take the edge off, a little humor and some cute pictures of the ducks in the pond by my house. 

The sad part is, there were 12 little ducklings at first. By the end ofthe summer,  there  might not be that many. Only 6 or 7 now. It’s a tough life being a duck. But, they are family and stick together. The Mamma watches them very closely.  

 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FG6GXdUOR_Y&sns=em   
   

Wednesday Words: Sharing, Caring, and Learning

20 Aug

Liberty is the right of every man to be honest, to think and to speak without hypocrisy. 

Jose Marti

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Last night I attended the McKinney City Council meeting. This was an open session where residents could speak and address the council about any concerns. I had intended on speaking in support of McKinney Mounted Patrol. It looked like it was going to be a busy agenda
  

After the opening prayer from a local pastor and the pledge of allegiance, the mayor welcomed visitors and asked if anyone wanted to address the council before the session began. I looked around, and no one raised their hand. I was nervous, but I raised my hand and walked up to the podium, stated my name and address, then told the council that I was speaking for hundreds of residents who wanted to keep the mounted patrol in our community. They were part of what makes McKinney unique by nature and the number one place to live in the country. I said , “Thank you” and say down. 

It felt good to speak my mind, but more importantly, I was impressed with the function and workings of the city council. I stayed for the entire  meeting , and I learned a little but about how the city works. I have a greater admiration for the people who devote so much time for their community. 

What a great country we have, where anyone can speak their mind. I was also impressed that our council started with a prayer and the pledge. Everyone should see how their city works if they haven’t had the opportunity.  

   
STAMP. Support The Awesome Mounted Patrol

Tuesday: Tearful Dawns and Trepidation

19 Aug

Sometimes we have to soak ourselves in the tears and fears of the past to water our future gardens.” ― Suzy Kassem

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You cannot control the tears or the fears that haunt your restless dreams.

~ Toni Armenta Andrukaitis

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Just when I thought the endless mornings of waking to tear filled eyes and tear stained pillows were over, no such luck. I still can’t remember the majority of my dreams like I used to years ago. Perhaps this is a blessing. 

I have no idea what I was dreaming about when I woke up crying this morning. That’s good, right? All I know is, my waking hours have been filled with unpleasant painful thoughts and trepidation. That’s why I walk and run so much. That’s why I write every day. It helps to distract me with beautiful sunrises and sunsets. The sweat and racing heart helps to remind me that I’m alive and that I’m amazing. The writing helps me focus on what is beautiful in my life. 

I’m afraid that only time, the truth, and telling my story will release me from this endless curse. I WILL TELL MY STORY!

   
 
I’m ready to walk through the fire.